Proud parents Norm and Becky Plumber announced this morning that their eleven year old son Dylan had been abducted from a playground by an old man in a wizard outfit.
It is alleged that the haggard, elderly pensioner beelined directly to Dylan, bypassing all the other children on the busy playground. As his faded, moth-eaten robes billowed in the wind, the man is alleged to have shouted, “Boy! I have been watching you. You’re a special boy. You will come with me.”
Witnesses say that Dylan was initially resistant, but when the looming stranger revealed that he knew Dylan’s name, and had selected him for a secret mission, the minor agreed that going with the eccentric drifter definitely made the most sense.
“I will show you things you’ve never seen, I will take you places your parents would never take you. It is fate, Dylan. You are too physically weak to fight it off.”
Dylan’s parents, who always suspected Dylan was special, told reporters that this validation of their feelings is extremely invigorating, and proof that they raised him right.
“I can’t imagine where Dylan is right now,” father Norm Plumber gushed, “But I think we can safely assume he’s on a collision course with destiny, making magical new friends, and having adventures that would capture the imagination of anyone young at heart.”
Dylan’s mother nodded emphatically in agreement.
“I always dreamed that this day would come,” she said. “Nobody deserves this more than Dylan.”
The Chicken Feed 